September 13 2006

Simon Jordan

One of his network of spies and informers sent Jamesey an exclusive transcript of a telephone converation beteen Simon Jordan and Peter Taylor after Palace's 0-2 home defeat by Southampton (Sept 12).

Simon Jordan: Blimey, Peter, what a right load of ****ing horse manure that was this evening.

Peter Taylor: We're a side in transition, Simon, and we need time to gel into an efficient CCC team.

SJ: Well, I spent the past two seasons watching that pillock Dowie making the defence pump high balls to a midget. Now we're pumping high balls to two big b***ards who nod it down and lose it. What's the point in that, for ****'s sake?

PT: We need strong forwards in this division. We can't depend on aging player past his prime like Dougie, and Clinton I don't really rate in the first place.

SJ: Jesus ****ing Christ, you remind me of that w*nker Trevor Francis. He couldn't bleedin' wait to drop the best striking partnership in the division at the time, Dougie and Clinton, and bring in that pair of numpties Akinbiyi and Adebola. A useless pair of planks, and they cost me a ****ing fortune.

PT: Give it time, Simon. it's early days, yet.

SJ: Early ****ing days! We're seven games into the season and we look crap. Even when we were winning we didn't look much cop but now we're ****ing terrible. And this Sushi Pookey or whatever his name is. He don't look much like a Finn to me...not like Aki or Mikkel?

PT: Shefki Kuqi's an ethnic Albanian from Kosovo who's taken Finnish nationality.

SJ: He looks like an overgrown carpet salesmn from Istanbul to me and ****ing played like one tonight.***ing c***. Cost me a bleedin' fortune as well.

PT: We need players like him to get us out of this league and back to the Premiership, Simon.

SJ: I can't see much ****ing point getting back to the Premiership with this lot. Borrowdale or Granville against Thierry Henry. Kookoo the Turk against John Terry. Don't make me ****ing laugh.

PT: I told you at the interview, Simon, it will all change as the autumn moves on.

SJ: It's all changing now. We're going down the pan. You'd better wake your ideas up, Taylor. The money we got for AJ is running out and the team's getting worse. I'm telling you ****ing straight mate, you are out on your arse if things don't improve soonest. I ****ing......

(here the line fades with a stream of abuse from the chairman)

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