This may have been suggested before...

'That don't impress me, mu(t)ch' by Shania Twain:

Original lyrics:

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist
That don't impress me much
So you got the brain but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much

Version for our favourite midfielder:

"Okay, so you're a footballer
That don't impress me, Mutch
So you've got no pace and you've got no touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you are s***e
And you won't keep us up in the middle of a fight
That don't impress me, Mutch"

Great , we can send it to the league 1 club that takes him off our hands .

Another Damien Diagonal - Total Football

Yes I hope we never actually get to sing it.

Just bizarre!

Kids,tired of being bothered by your pesky parents?
Then leave home, get a job & pay your own bills, while you still know everything.

Yeah, I remember AP saying early on "if we can get his confidence sorted, he'll be some player!" K**b.

If only it were White, rather than Yellow!